Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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