But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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