You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
