Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
