I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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