My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
