i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
