Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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