some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Swine flu. Run for my life!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
