at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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