he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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