1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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