i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
