Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
