It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
