my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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