Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
