I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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