mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
