Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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