Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
