miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
