I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
