I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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