Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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