I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
