You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
