laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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