were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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