before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
