I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
