if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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