i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
