The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My life is pants optional.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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