Welp...herpes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
