He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
