he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
