Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
