Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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