i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
