Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
