This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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