On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you had me at cake vodka
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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