I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
