he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
