dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
