There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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