Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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