You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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