my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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