you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
