Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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