I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
time to smoke my breakfast
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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