She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
