well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do herpes really smell.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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