It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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