I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
