Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
