If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
