so that wasnt chicken after all
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
