that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
