White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
