put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize