dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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