drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...