i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?