dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.