I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already