there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..