Betty ford says i'm here all night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.