apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
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and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?