You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.