sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
