Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now