The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
