I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
