Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
