And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
