I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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