Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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