IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
